u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
