but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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