When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
