My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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