at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
