She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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