would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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