I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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