I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
