thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
