The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
