im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
