you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Randomize
