I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
