Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize