So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
