Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
