can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
