checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
