id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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