tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
two words: eviction party
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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