Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he shaved USA in his pubs
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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