the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
