standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
