the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
