Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
