Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
