remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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