cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
