hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
