you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
