And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
