Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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