One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
