I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize