My room smells like vodka and shame
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
