How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
