took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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