mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
