Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize