Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
