Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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