Got a toothbrush?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
