Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
