drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
