I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
