Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
