Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
