You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
