My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize