He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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