we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize