No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
