Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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