She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize