textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
