I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
