nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
