Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize