guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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