If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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