about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
