Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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