You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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