it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
