I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
