I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
