dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
