Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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