I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
