do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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