You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
