God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
