I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
