I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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