I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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