the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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