i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
