Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize