My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
