your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
