I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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