Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
