So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
