good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
