i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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