I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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