By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
