Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
