do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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