Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
