So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
