just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
