I'm jealous of your bromance
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
