you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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