There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
