I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
