we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
