Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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