By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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